white spaces on my wall

Often times I feel unseen,

yet He is showing me new things,

opening my eyes to see beyond what is seen, and there it is.

Brokenness and loneliness around me.

Seeping through the tall walls we try to barricade around our wounded hearts.

Deep pains and aches unseen by the naked eye.

But the Maker who formed us in His very image, sees and counts each tear and even collects them in a bottle.

The Lover of our Souls can hear each sigh.

He can read every word unspoken.

No, He does not look away.

He cannot look away.

But He stares right into your eyes brimming with tears, He wipes them away with His blood stained hands, scarred by the nails that held Him on the cross that day when He came down to set you free. Free from pain, even when you are in pain. And it is only when we abide in Him that pain is bearable, even beautiful. So let pain come, for it is through this breaking that we realize the need to draw closer to Him as He turns our ashes into beauty.

There is a tugging in my heart. In between my adulterous affairs with other lovers, fleeting things and passing thoughts,You keep pulling the strings inside this hardened heart.

This heart where there are doors I have left unopened, locked and left the keys somewhere I don’t remember.

Instead, I let them step inside the doorstep, come in for a short visit, play with me for a while. So they did and they ransacked every shelf and tried to tore the pages of Your handwritten love letter. 

Your love letter written in blood, Your blood that was shed on the cross. 

And it is this blood that covers a multitude of sins and hate and pain and aches and anger and everything else in between. I can’t believe this blood covers me even now when I feel so unworthy, standing in front of the mirror and the reflection is a far cry from beauty, but more like a mess. 

Such love You have for me! I can’t grasp how deep, how wide, how real, how come? 

Yet You invite me, just to come to You.And even when I have no more strength left, it is You who runs after me. You pursue me tirelessly and I am in awe. I will just lean,rest my head upon Your shoulder, give you the keys, give you this messed up heart. Surrender. Grow more in love. 

I am still under construction of Your grace and mercy.